As I turned the corner—hopeful I was headed in the right direction—I heard a loud clattering sound and looked up. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a huge man on a bicycle careening down the sidewalk, arms and legs flailing. He was obviously unable to steer, let alone stop.

Immediately realizing the danger, I dropped my briefcase and dove head-first into the nearby bushes, narrowly escaping an accident with an overweight hit-and-run cyclist.

I popped out of the shrubbery, branches in my hair, and looked down the sidewalk. He was gone.

What a jerk! What was he doing on the sidewalk with that bike? And anyway, what was he doing on a bicycle in the first place, when he clearly wasn’t able to ride one? He should be off learning somewhere else. The nerve.

He could have killed me! How unbelievably dangerous. What on earth did he think we have streets for? Sidewalks are for pedestrians, not bikes – especially not out of control ones. What if an old lady had been in his way? She would have had no chance at all. Imagine. The gall of this guy.

And look at my clothes. I was a mess. My jacket was torn, my knees were scrubbed, my hands were dirty and I broke one of my heels off. Damn shoes were expensive too. I couldn’t possibly go to my appointment like this. I was really pissed off, and rightly so. The cyclist was clearly at fault.

I pulled out my telephone, which probably was broken, although it looked okay and canceled my appointment. I found my briefcase lying in the dirt next to the bushes. The leather was scratched and all my papers had fallen out. The laptop was probably ruined, but I decided to check that later. I gathered all my things, took the broken shoe off and limped back to my car.

What a jerk.

.

One more time…

I was walking down the street the other day looking for a new client’s office, and I was having a little trouble finding it. I really didn’t know that end of town very well and so I was concentrating more on the numbers on the buildings than where I was going.

As I turned the corner, hopeful I was headed in the right direction, I heard a loud clattering sound and looked up. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a huge man on a bicycle careening down the sidewalk, arms and legs flailing. He was obviously unable to steer, let alone stop.

Immediately realizing the danger, I dropped my briefcase and dove head first into the nearby bushes, narrowly escaping an accident with an overweight hit-and-run cyclist.

I popped out of the shrubbery, branches in my hair, and looked down the sidewalk. He was gone.

Wow. That guy could have killed me. I couldn’t believe it. My response time was unbelievable. Imagine. I was in those bushes within a fraction of a second. Incredible. And with high heels on. Oops. Make that high heel – one of them didn’t survive. I broke the heel off of the other shoe so I could walk straight. Thank goodness I bought expensive shoes—they even looked good without heels.

I was impressed. My years of working with horses had definitely paid off; I could really get out of the way fast. I gave myself an emotional pat on the back. I’d like to see my son move like that. Downright elegant the way I dove into those shrubs. I brushed the dirt off my pants, pleased I had worn brown.

Most people I know would have been flattened. They wouldn’t have had a chance. I snickered smugly and plucked the leaves from my hair.

Feeling ever so athletic, I gathered all my scattered papers, shoved my laptop back into my briefcase and checked the address. Yep, this was the right building. Wasn’t even late. I wiped my hands on the lining of my jacket and rang the buzzer.

Look out world, here I come.

Same bike. Same bush. Different meaning. Different day.

Happy diving.

ANAD: Body and Soul

When: Tuesdays 5:30-6:30 pm

Start Date: September 27, 2011

It appears that the more powerful the media becomes, with movies, magazines, high-power ads, and other ‘perfect’ images we see every day, the more pressure there is for us to change. This pressure translates into waxing, exfoliating, tanning, losing weight, hiding, covering up, or getting rid of the very things that make us unique, things that make us ‘one of a kind’ pieces of art. When we lash out at our stomachs and thighs, our hips and our backsides, our breasts and our curves, we are actually rejecting and hating our femaleness. Don’t be mistaken, we live in a culture that demonstrates its ambivalence toward women in the prevalence of Dieting, Depression and Disordered Eating. In the end, when we hate our bodies, we are turning against ourselves.

We all long for understanding, compassion, and respect. And sometimes, it’s easiest to find this among others who share our situation or outlook. That’s where our new support group comes in- created by women recovering from anorexia, bulimia, binge and disordered eating to focus on the beauty in every woman, “body and soul.”

Body and Soul is a support and recovery group with an intimate and relaxed feel that focuses on providing and encouraging creative tools for women to express themselves as a very unique, ‘one of a kind’ piece of art. This group is free/donation based. It is our offering to you to create and join in a different kind of consciousness about what it is to be a woman and taking back the power to define that. Please don’t miss it!

“Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better.”

-King Whitney Jr.

Since it has finally become apparent to me that everything around me is always changing and that try as I might, I will never be able to prevent, stop or create a mandate against change; I had better know how to deal with change, or I will be stuck in a perpetual jail of my own making. To be unable to change, to see things in new ways, or to renew myself — is to take part in my own slavery. Can you relate?

Change, like most of the big concepts in life, is a paradox: embrace change, but stay grounded. Be rooted in the past, yet engage the future. To truly master change, we have to master the paradox of changing while staying rooted in ourselves, and master the paradox of changing more deeply and readily the more grounded we become.

It can feel very frustrating and exhausting to master change; especially without any tools.  So here are some tools I’ve thrown together to add to your toolbox!  Let’s start building some confidence to manage change!

10 handy tools for change:

1.   Anamnesis: The skill of keeping touch with what is deep and constant in the midst of change. The martial artist would call this “keeping base.” We might call it “not forgetting who you really are.” This allows you to maintain your balance and keep contact with your true goals. The question you might ask yourself is: What are your deepest values? How do those deep values inform the way you react to change?

2. Penetrating: The skill of seeing that the presenting symptom is often not the real problem. The presenting symptoms might be a bump on the head, an enlarged pupil, and lethargy indicating possible concussion, the next layer is an abusive husband and alcoholism, the layer under that is that the local factory has closed, people are jobless and despondent. Every change arrives in disguise. The martial artist would call this “irimi,” or entering: This allows you greater leverage using less energy. The question you might ponder here is: Is the change facing me the real change? What is behind it? And what’s behind that? What is the best level at which I can deal with this?

3.  Turning to the outside: The skill of staying out of the way of the change until you can get at it from a better angle. The martial artist would call it, “tenkan,” or turning to the outside. Confronted with an overwhelming force, he does not try to block it directly, and neither does he run away. Instead, he maintains contact with the attacker, but steps to one side, maneuvering to find a point of greater leverage. Stepping out of the direct path of the change allows you more options. The question to ask yourself here is: What options do I have besides resisting this change?

4.   Big vision: The skill of seeing the forest. The martial artist, who keeps his head down, focusing on the technique he is doing at the moment, will likely get clobbered by the next attacker. The question here is: What am I missing? What assumptions am I making about my family, my health, or the soundness of my relationship? What else can I choose to see?

5.   Hang time: The willingness to stay in the moment of ambiguity. Change is scary. Most people want to get it over with, to get to the end. We experience a tremendous pressure, from our peers and from deep within ourselves, to get to a resolution, to get things settled down. The question here is not “How soon can I get through this?” The question is, “When is the best moment to act?”

6.   Wholeness: We might call this “integrity.” The martial artist might talk about “uprightness” or “balance.” This is not typical. More commonly, when we move, we move disjointedly. We make decisions without involving the people affected by the decisions. We leave troublesome people out of the information loop. We make a decision, and then look for a magic wand that will get people to “buy in” to it. People react to the change out of fear, since they had no information and no voice. Wholeness allows you to move with tremendous speed when the time comes to move.

7.   Rhythm: The skill of knowing when to move. We might call it, “Picking your battles.” The martial artist will think of it as making no attempt to throw the opponent until his energy has been destabilized. This allows you greater effect for less effort The question here to ponder is: “Is this the right moment?”

8.   Acting in uncertainty: The skill of being able to move with insufficient data. You never have enough information! That’s part of the nature of being human. The question here is: “Which way would I move if I had to move right now?”

9. Internal Drive: The skill of finding joy in the doing, not just in the result. Change is a long, bumpy, aggravating road, with a lot of detours, changed destinations, and stops for repairs. If you don’t love the journey itself, you will not be able to push on. You will burn out waiting for that great moment of victory, the one that never quite comes. Surfers don’t do all that work just to get to the shore. They’re interested in the ride. The question you need to ask is: “How does doing this give me joy?”

10.  Capacity For Paradox: The skill of entertaining two opposing ideas at the same time. Here the answer is not in the answer, but in the question. The ability to milk paradox allows us to find solutions that are “outside the box.” The skill of finding the opportunity in the crisis. Every change creates new needs. What was a looming disaster through one lens becomes, through another lens, an opportunity. The skill of seeing opportunity in change allows you to gather energy and resources from change as it occurs, rather than wasting them in resisting it.

These are not easy tools to utilize.  They call for a long-term commitment to pick them, dust them off and get out there and start building even when it gets uncomfortable, difficult, and surprising. In the end, though, you do not have a choice- for as we’ve all been told:  The only constant in life is change! Yet another paradox.  Doesn’t it make you want to get out your hammer?

2.  You will fail sometimes. The faster you accept this, the faster you can get on with being extraordinary.  You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work.  So get out there and do something!  Either you will succeed or you will learn a vital lesson.

3.  There’s a lot you can’t control. Wasting your time and emotional energy on things that are beyond your control is a recipe for disappointment, misery and stagnation.  Invest your energy in the things you can control, like your thoughts.

4.  Information is not knowledge. “What?” You might ask.  Knowledge comes from experience.  You can discuss something a hundred times, but discussing it will only give you a philosophical understanding.  You must experience something firsthand to truly know it.

5.  You can’t change the past. As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”  You can’t change what happened, but you can change how you react to it.

6.  The only person who can make you happy is you. The root of your happiness comes from your relationship with yourself.  Sure external entities can have fleeting effects on your mood, but in the long run NOTHING matters more than how you feel about who you are on the inside.

7.  There will always be people who don’t like you. You can’t be everything to everyone.  No matter what you do, there will always be someone who thinks differently.  So do what you know in your heart is right. Trying to be someone else is a waste of the person you are!

8.  In life, you get what you put in. If you want love, give love.  If you want health, commit to thinking healthy thoughts and creating healthy habits!  It really is this simple.

9.  Doing the same exact thing every day hinders self growth. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.  Growth happens when you change things – when you try new things – when you stretch beyond your comfort zone.

10.  You will never feel 100% ready for something new. Nobody ever feels 100% ready when a new opportunity arises.  That’s because most great opportunities force us to grow beyond our edge, which means you will never feel comfortable or ready for it.  But remember- LIFE DOESN’T CALL THOSE WHO ARE QUALIFIED, IT QUALIFIES THOSE WHO ARE CALLED.

Anonymous Client Artwork

“You’re perfectly flawed. You’re perfectly incomplete; like cracks in the glass and faded photographs…

You’re perfectly flawed. You’re perfectly incomplete; a work in progress, imperfections make you unique…”

-Otep

One of the things that I value most in life is beauty, but in a society where beauty has taken on a very specific, much externalized and sometimes very harmful meaning, we seem to either succumb to the idea of beauty completely from a dis-empowering place or need to “fit in”, or we rebel against it completely and throw out the concept all together because of the way it has been used or abused.

So, what is beauty, really?  Beau·ty is the quality present in a thing or person that gives deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations, a meaningful design, or as a personality in which a combination of intellectual, emotional or moral traits are present.

In human nature, beauty exists in many ways we don’t see when we think of the term. When a forest burns, we aren’t usually thinking of the beauty of death and rebirth and the necessity of the fire for the health of the forest for years to come; we are focused on the ugliness and the damage.  Just as in nature, we too live in a beautiful body, where that beauty is in the perfect shape of both our triumphs AND our core wounds, as the instrument in training for whom we become and our life’s work to be played out.

What? You might say… Our wounds, beautiful? Aren’t our wounds those ugly and horrible things that happened long ago? Those things we should either ‘get over’ or forget? I mean they feel awful – who’d want to reveal, let alone admire them?

A person once told me, “Whatever you can’t be with owns you.” This bothered me. I mean, I had spent a majority of my life trying to stuff or purge all the ways in which I was wounded. I didn’t know that I could allow them to be a part of me and  I certainly couldn’t see any beauty in my wounds.  It seemed like a contradiction in terms… and it is.  To see the beauty of wounds or the perfection in being flawed is a dialectical term which means that two ideas can both be true at the same time! My wounds and flaws have trained me, beautifully and perfectly for my life’s work … and yours have done the same for you.

Renowned pop artist Seal has said of his success that the journey to his achievement necessitated a self-acceptance with which he had previously struggled for most of his life.  Among other childhood traumas, Seal suffered from the skin disease discoid lupus erythematosus, which causes severe inflammation and scarring.  The disease left him with large, discolored scars which can still be seen under his eyes on both sides of his face. These scars embarrassed and depressed him when he was young, but he grew to appreciate them as giving him a distinctive look, a trademark even.  Seal later appeared on the cover of one of his albums in the nude, without any enhancements, giving the overall image of strength through vulnerability. He emphasized that he had finally learned the necessity of fully accepting oneself- emotionally and physically- before one could truly reach others.  He has never opted for plastic surgery to hide the scars.

There is a perfectly flawed design to who you are, what you’ve encountered and what you’re here to give. There’s nothing wrong or broken or “less than” about you and there’s nothing that needs to be hidden away or invalidated inside of you. In fact, the more you bring out the very thing you may have thought you couldn’t show the world, the more you will ignite the light inside of other people and the more actionable beauty you will have to share with others. Our wounds have taught us so much and are exactly what make people drawn to the uniqueness of what we bring to the world. And if we allow it, they will often lead us to open ourselves up to the beautiful experiences we were meant to live and share with others.   More importantly, we can find peace and security in the very colorful, very diverse, both flawed AND perfect being we find ourselves in.